Reviews and thoughts on the fiction I consume in my life. If I don't like it, I don't review it. Twitter - @MicRobertson Facebook - http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=629181457
Thursday, 7 November 2013
The Tooth Fairy
Below is a short story set in the same world as my novella Crash. It shows the collapse of society from the perspective of characters that don't feature in the book. I hope you enjoy it.
Saturday, 26 October 2013
What Not to do at a Job Interview
Below is a short story from the world of my first novella Crash. It’s a post apocalyptic series, although this story is set before the world fell apart. It's a job interview with one of the main characters of the book. I hope you enjoy it.
What Not to do at a Job Interview
Dean sat at the round table in silence, his mouth dry.
On the other side, the interviewer studied his notes. Circular placemats were
randomly scattered over the highly polished surface. Lifting his glass of water
from one of the mats, Dean took a sip of the chilled liquid and placed it down
again. The cold gulp soothed his throat but landed hard in his anxious stomach.
Staring at the orbs of condensation rolling down its side, he focused on his
breathing to calm his nausea and only looked up when the interviewer spoke.
“Mr Brown?”
Dean laughed. “Mr Brown was my father; please call me
Dean.”
The man stared for a second, his moon face blank.
Looking back down at his sheet, he cleared his throat.
The muscles in Dean’s back tightened and his shoulders
lifted to his neck. Sweat left his armpits and rolled down the sides of his
ribcage. Who does this cunt think he is?
“So you’ve been unemployed for the last eight years?”
A hot flush burned Dean’s face. Pulling at his collar
did little for his tight throat. Staring at the man, Dean ground his jaw and
nodded. “Yes.”
“Do you mind if I ask why?”
The reaction jumped from his mouth. “Because I can’t
get a job, can I?” Jesus, pal. It’s not
fucking rocket science.
The door to the office was behind the interviewer, and
Dean stared through its porthole window. There were several women in the
adjoining office taking turns glancing in at him.
When he looked back, the man’s eyes and mouth were
spread in wide Os.
Letting the tension fall from his shoulders, Dean
raised his hand. “I’m sorry.” Coughing cleared the wobble that threatened to
ride his words. “It’s just… I’ve been through this process so many times.” He
looked down and picked a flake of wood away from the desk. The top may have
been polished, but the edges looked like they’d taken a battering. “I want a
job, which is why I’ve come to so many interviews. But it’s a bit of a kick in
the teeth always being told no. It’s not like I’m trying to become the fucking
prime minister or anything.”
The man flinched when Dean swore.
“I know I didn’t finish school, so my CV looks like
shit, but if no one will give me the chance, how can I prove myself? Besides,
they’re only crappy jobs.”
“You think this
is a crappy job?”
“It’s Biffa. Not NASA.” Dropping his right hand
beneath the desk so the man couldn’t see it, Dean clenched his fist so tightly
his arm shook. The fury put a shimmer in his voice. “I mean, it’s only picking
up bin bags.”
Straightening in his seat, the interviewer stared at
the part of his desk that had been ever so slightly vandalised and pushed his
round glasses up his button nose. “This job is actually quite hard, Mr Brown.
Physically demanding. Early mornings, etc.”
“You saying I ain’t got the strength to lift bin
bags?”
Showing Dean his palms, the man said, “Firstly, you
need to calm down.”
A heavy frown crushed Dean’s view.
“Also, I’m not saying that at all. I’m sure you have
the strength, Dean, but can you get up in the mornings? Can you handle having a
boss tell you what to do?”
“I can,” Dean’s lip lifted in a snarl, “as long as the
cunt don’t mug me off.”
Glancing at the round clock on the wall, the man
sighed and said, “Right, we’re going to run through some scenarios. Is that
okay?”
The tension fell from his back and Dean stared down as
he ran his finger in circles on the desk. “Fire away, chief.”
The man straightened his papers. “Okay, it’s three in
the afternoon, and your shift is due to finish. However, it’s been a long day
and you still have another hour’s worth of work to do. Do you, A—”
“I’ll stop you there, pal.”
The interviewer paused.
“I’ll do whatever extra hours you need me to do. As
long as it’s on the overtime sheet, that is. I’m not one of those people that
work for nothing. If you have too much work and not enough staff, that’s your
problem. But keep filling my bank account, and I’ll work like the fucking
Energizer Bunny.” Dean’s throaty laugh bounced around the room.
The man kept his eyes lowered. “It’s the night before
your day off, and you get a phone call asking you to work. What do you do?”
“It depends what I have planned for my day off. If I
can change it, I’ll do that and come into work.” Laughing again, he added, “As
long as it ain’t winter. Who wants to get out of bed in February?”
Putting the paper down, the man closed his folder.
“Thank you, Mr Brown. We’ll be in touch.”
Dean’s jaw fell. “That was a joke, man.”
“That’s fine. We’re done with the interview though.”
“But there are more questions there.”
“Um…” the man paused. “There are, but we don’t always
ask them all.”
“Why don’t you just tell me now that I haven’t got the
fucking job? I’m a big boy—I can handle it.”
“To tell you the result of the interview now would be
unprofessional and against company policy.”
The deep breath did nothing to still Dean’s rampaging
pulse. “Unprofessional my arse. You just haven’t got the stones for it, pal.
Telling a man to his face that he doesn’t have the job ain’t unprofessional;
that’s the excuse of a coward.”
The man stood up. His round belly pushing against the
buttons on his shirt. “Thank you, Mr Brown. We’ll be in touch.”
Remaining in his seat, Dean stared up at the man. One
well-timed jab on the chin would knock the cunt sparko. “I’m not going anywhere
until you tell me straight. Have I got the job or not?”
The man lifted the phone on the table. It was an old
rotary phone—maybe he thought he was retro. Sticking his finger into the hole
for the number nine, he spun the dial. “I’m going to call the police unless you
leave now, Mr Brown. I will not be held to ransom in my own office.”
Standing up so quickly his chair scooted out behind
him and fell over with a loud crash, Dean stared at the man. After a few
seconds, he left the room and slammed the door on his way out.
The revolving doors ushered him into the warm, stale room.
The hot choking smell of old photocopiers caught in his throat. Walking over to
Martha’s desk, Dean sat down.
The pad of Post-its she was scribbling a note on were
small suns. They were yellow, circular and had happy faces printed on them.
Smiling, Martha asked, “So, how did it go?”
Dean looked around. “This room stinks of piss and
desperation. I ain’t like these mugs in here, you know.”
“What do you mean?”
“Take a look around you. The carpet’s filthy, the job
boards are emptier than a Tory’s heart, and half of the people in here look
like they’d struggle to spell their own fucking name. This is a place for
alcoholics and losers.”
“And the unemployed,” Martha reminded him.
Turning away, Dean caught the eye of a man at the desk
next to him.
Clenching his fists, Dean tilted his head to the side.
“What the fuck are you looking at, pal?”
After holding his glare for a second, the man then
looked away.
Too fucking
right!
“This place is full of arseholes.” Dean sipped his
lukewarm coffee and screwed his face up at the muddy taste. Lifting the round
Styrofoam cup, he said, “When are you going to stop serving this instant shit?”
“This isn’t a coffee shop, Dean. Anyway, the man said
you swore at him in the interview. He said you were openly hostile.”
“Like fuck! We were having a bit of banter. A joke
about overtime. Okay, maybe I did swear, but the rest of it was all good fun.
Until he asked me to leave.”
“Do you even want a job, Dean?”
“Of course I want a fucking job! When those
Conservative arseholes get into power, I won’t have a pot to piss in. Why do
you think I’m going to so many fucking interviews? But if no one will give me a
fucking chance…”
“You’ve got to stop swearing for a start.”
“Don’t fucking tell me what to do!”
Martha’s jolly face turned stony. Pointing a wrinkled
finger at him, she said, “I’ve been doing this job for thirty years, son. I
think I’m qualified to tell you what to do. You need to stop swearing in
interviews, and you need to tone the aggression down. Otherwise, you’re never
going to get a job.”
Returning the gesture, Dean pointed his finger back at
Martha. “You’re sending me to a bunch of shitty job interviews and telling me
to jump through hoops. I’m doing that, but I’m still getting told to fuck off.
Do you realise how fucking demoralising it is for me to be rejected so many
fucking times? To repeat the process knowing I’ll just get turned away again. I
know what’s on the horizon—we all do. It’s a political party that want to force
us out to work by fucking us up the arse. I ain’t afraid of work, but what do
we do when we can’t get a fucking job because no one will employ us? It’s a
vicious circle. Give me a job, and I’ll fucking do it. I’ll go every day.”
After a heavy exhalation, he said, “I’m fed up of being mugged off by clueless
twats who think they know how to run a fucking country.”
Sighing, Martha said, “Dean, you’re the only person
that can get yourself a job, but you have to work on your interview technique.”
“I’m trying, Martha. But where do I start? There’s no
fucking funding and every job has over a thousand applicants. I’m climbing a
greasy fucking pole here.”
Spinning the wedding ring on her finger, Martha then
flicked through her Rolodex and removed an index card. “Here. The council are
looking for litter pickers in the town. They have an open day tomorrow.”
Looking at the card wobbling at the end of Martha’s
outstretched arm, her bangles hanging down, Dean snatched it away. “Here we
fucking go again. See you next fucking week for some more shitty coffee and
another fucking lecture.”
Exiting via the revolving door, Dean crossed the
street without looking and was ushered across by a cacophony of horns. Flipping
the bird in the general direction of the noise, he entered the local pub.
Frank, the bartender, lifted his head. “The usual,
Dean?”
Sitting on the round stool, Dean nodded. “The usual,” he
said as he slid the coins across the bar.
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Sunday, 6 October 2013
Results for Kindle Nation Daily Ad
So having recently spent $99 on a Kindle Daily Deal ad on Kindle Nation Daily, I thought I'd report back my results from it.
I must say that my book only had five reviews on Amazon.com when I placed the ad, and three of them were two stars, so I'm sure if it was reviewed better then it would have sold more.
The picture below is from Amazon.com - The spike in sales is due to the ad. I was averaging 3 sales a week on the .com site, and because of the ad, that went up to 34. The profit on $0.99 is about $0.35 per book.
The next picture is for Amazon.co.uk (where my reviews are much stronger) - I sold less on the UK site the week the ad was out than I had the previous week - 88 sales as opposed to 113. Having been in the top 10 for post-apocalyptic on the UK site, I was getting good sales anyway. Is it fair to assume it had no impact? I'm not sure, but it certainly didn't seem to.
I appreciate that many factors impact the sales of a book and I'm sure my reviews on the .com site didn't help. However, all I can do is present the information as I've experienced it.
I must say that my book only had five reviews on Amazon.com when I placed the ad, and three of them were two stars, so I'm sure if it was reviewed better then it would have sold more.
The picture below is from Amazon.com - The spike in sales is due to the ad. I was averaging 3 sales a week on the .com site, and because of the ad, that went up to 34. The profit on $0.99 is about $0.35 per book.
The next picture is for Amazon.co.uk (where my reviews are much stronger) - I sold less on the UK site the week the ad was out than I had the previous week - 88 sales as opposed to 113. Having been in the top 10 for post-apocalyptic on the UK site, I was getting good sales anyway. Is it fair to assume it had no impact? I'm not sure, but it certainly didn't seem to.
I appreciate that many factors impact the sales of a book and I'm sure my reviews on the .com site didn't help. However, all I can do is present the information as I've experienced it.
Monday, 23 September 2013
601 Sales - How Will A Kindle Nation Daily Ad Affect My Sales?
I saw 500 sales as a big milestone and should have written this post then. But now I'm at 601, so I thought I'd report how the sales have been going.
I have an advert with Kindle Nation Daily due out at the end of this week (27th September). I've opted for the Kindle Daily Deal at $99. My sales are pretty poor in the US so I'm hoping this advert will give a boost to them. To break even at my current sale price, I need about 250 sales.
From release, Crash has been in the top 50 for post apocalyptic Kindle books. This seemed to help the book tick along nicely and was generating sales of one or two copies a day. Halfway through August I dropped my price to $0.99 and £0.99. You can see the impact below on my sales figures and visibility. I've been in the top 10 post apocalyptic kindle charts and the top 50 for horror overall for about a month now. This extra visibility has coincided with a huge leap in figures. Although I have to sell lots more copies to make the same money, that's currently happening. So my book is being seen by more people and I'm making more money. I don't plan on keeping my price this low forever, but while the sales are good, I'll leave it as it is.
This screenshot was taken this morning (this is relatively low for my average):
I also wanted to report a detailed breakdown of my sales figures because I've not done that yet - August was when I dropped my price. I decided to drop my price while I already had some chart visibility. I could see Crash slipping out of the charts and I hoped it would give sales a boost.
I have an advert with Kindle Nation Daily due out at the end of this week (27th September). I've opted for the Kindle Daily Deal at $99. My sales are pretty poor in the US so I'm hoping this advert will give a boost to them. To break even at my current sale price, I need about 250 sales.
Visibility
It seems to me that visibility is the most important thing with Amazon. I talk about Amazon because I've had three sales on Kobo and none anywhere else.From release, Crash has been in the top 50 for post apocalyptic Kindle books. This seemed to help the book tick along nicely and was generating sales of one or two copies a day. Halfway through August I dropped my price to $0.99 and £0.99. You can see the impact below on my sales figures and visibility. I've been in the top 10 post apocalyptic kindle charts and the top 50 for horror overall for about a month now. This extra visibility has coincided with a huge leap in figures. Although I have to sell lots more copies to make the same money, that's currently happening. So my book is being seen by more people and I'm making more money. I don't plan on keeping my price this low forever, but while the sales are good, I'll leave it as it is.
This screenshot was taken this morning (this is relatively low for my average):
My highest rank for each category has been 6 for post apocalyptic, 23 for kindle horror and 30 for horror overall. This is on the UK site.
I also wanted to report a detailed breakdown of my sales figures because I've not done that yet - August was when I dropped my price. I decided to drop my price while I already had some chart visibility. I could see Crash slipping out of the charts and I hoped it would give sales a boost.
June
I released my book towards the end of June.
UK site - 16 copies sold.
US site - 13 copies sold.
July
UK site - 35 copies sold.
US site - 28 copies sold.
August
UK site - 154 copies sold.
US site - 24 copies sold.
September (so far)
UK site - 314 copies sold
US site - 14 copies sold
Reviews
I've never had the chart visibility in the US and my average reviews aren't enough to get me much attention. I assume this is why my sales on Amazon.com aren't great.
Next Blog Post
In my next blog post I want to show the figures after a Kindle Nation Daily ad to see if it was worth the $99.
Thursday, 12 September 2013
Nearly Three Months as a Self-Published Author - Sales Figures Included
So it's coming up to three months now as a self published author and I thought I'd continue to track my progress.
I've made a few changes in the past few weeks that have massively affected my sales figures.
I also noticed that my sales had started to plateau. I decided that I want my first book read, and while I'm not prepared to drop it to free, I dropped it to $0.99. This made a huge difference. My sales figures took off. I've made more money than before over the past few weeks and my book is reaching a lot more people. In the past two weeks, I've sold over 100 copies each week.
I've obsessively watched my book climb into the top ten and it's into its third week and it's still there. My peak was chart position no.6. I'm currently at no.9 on Post Apocalyptic (Amazon UK).
This is predominantly UK sales. I've had a few negative reviews on Amazon.com that have almost ground my sales to a halt. I've written a very violent book so I'm not surprised that it's polarised opinion. Despite the negative reviews, I have been contacted by readers to say they enjoyed the book and can't wait for more.
I also did something I thought I'd never do this week. I responded to negative criticism. I've had several negative reviews and most of them have been the reviewers opinion. For me, it's fine if someone doesn't like the book. Everyone sees the world through their own lens and enjoyment of a work is entirely subjective. However, I received this review from one person:-
As I understand it, there should be a plot and a theme to a novel. This book had none and was also lacking in depth, meaning or reason. I get the impression that the author just wanted to get feedback (any feedback) to try and get his book spoken about...if that was the reason for it, then well done! If it was to write something worthwhile, then I feel this failed totally. Not an enjoyable read.
To which I responded:-
Thanks for reading my book and leaving your thoughts. I don't normally reply to reviews because everyone sees the world through their own lens and enjoyment is a subjective thing. It's not my place to tell people they are wrong or to defend my ego.
However, on this review you have asked if there is a point to this book so I wanted to take the time to explain why I've written it.
This book is about the social construction that is money and how insubstantial it is. The only value it has is what we attribute to it as a society and it could easily become worthless.
It's a look at how the poorest in UK society are being punished and blamed by the contemporary media for the state of things at present. Labels like 'Good hardworking families' are banded about as if those who can't be measured by their financial contribution are worthless. It takes this venom and turns it around on those they perceive to be the ones laying blame. Although the main looter, Dean, is a psychopath using a cause to vent his violent tendencies - Much like some of the EDL members have been doing of late and other hate groups.
It's also a look at how class identity isn't a reflection of those within the class, more a group identity that is based on judgments and prejudices - from both sides. It doesn't reflect the individual, yet sweeping generalisations are made. Those being punished - Like Michael - don't deserve it, but we live in a polarised society where these judgments are made.
Finally, the level of violence is a look at developing countries, such as The Democratic Republic of Congo, and the atrocities happening there on a daily basis (while I accept this book is very dark, I couldn't go as far as what's actually happening in places like the DRC). It's a look at how low humans can go when there is a motivation to control and dominate - as many wars have demonstrated. (See the UK and US bombing of Dresden as an example). In The DRC's case it's for minerals. In Crash's case, it's for food.
Again, I can't speak to whether you enjoyed the book or not but I'm thankful that you read it and took the time to review it. You asked the question, so I wanted to give you the answer.
Thanks again
Michael
Should I have responded? I don't know. It's not something I plan to make a habit of.
Amazon - 446 copies sold.
Kobo - 3 copies sold.
Smashwords - 0 copies sold.
I'm pleased with my figures for less than three months. The negative reviews sting but I'm developing a thick skin pretty quickly. Again, I expected it with this book. My next one is much less violent, so it'll be interesting to see if it generates the same reaction.
I've made a few changes in the past few weeks that have massively affected my sales figures.
Categories
After watching my book get into the top thirty on the Post Apocalyptic and Dystopian charts on Amazon, I realised that the categories were so close I should probably change one of them. I figured that I'd be catching a lot of the same audience with those categories, so I changed Dystopian, because I was scoring slightly lower in this one, and moved it over to horror.Price
I also noticed that my sales had started to plateau. I decided that I want my first book read, and while I'm not prepared to drop it to free, I dropped it to $0.99. This made a huge difference. My sales figures took off. I've made more money than before over the past few weeks and my book is reaching a lot more people. In the past two weeks, I've sold over 100 copies each week.
I've obsessively watched my book climb into the top ten and it's into its third week and it's still there. My peak was chart position no.6. I'm currently at no.9 on Post Apocalyptic (Amazon UK).
Negative Reviews
This is predominantly UK sales. I've had a few negative reviews on Amazon.com that have almost ground my sales to a halt. I've written a very violent book so I'm not surprised that it's polarised opinion. Despite the negative reviews, I have been contacted by readers to say they enjoyed the book and can't wait for more.
I also did something I thought I'd never do this week. I responded to negative criticism. I've had several negative reviews and most of them have been the reviewers opinion. For me, it's fine if someone doesn't like the book. Everyone sees the world through their own lens and enjoyment of a work is entirely subjective. However, I received this review from one person:-
As I understand it, there should be a plot and a theme to a novel. This book had none and was also lacking in depth, meaning or reason. I get the impression that the author just wanted to get feedback (any feedback) to try and get his book spoken about...if that was the reason for it, then well done! If it was to write something worthwhile, then I feel this failed totally. Not an enjoyable read.
To which I responded:-
Thanks for reading my book and leaving your thoughts. I don't normally reply to reviews because everyone sees the world through their own lens and enjoyment is a subjective thing. It's not my place to tell people they are wrong or to defend my ego.
However, on this review you have asked if there is a point to this book so I wanted to take the time to explain why I've written it.
This book is about the social construction that is money and how insubstantial it is. The only value it has is what we attribute to it as a society and it could easily become worthless.
It's a look at how the poorest in UK society are being punished and blamed by the contemporary media for the state of things at present. Labels like 'Good hardworking families' are banded about as if those who can't be measured by their financial contribution are worthless. It takes this venom and turns it around on those they perceive to be the ones laying blame. Although the main looter, Dean, is a psychopath using a cause to vent his violent tendencies - Much like some of the EDL members have been doing of late and other hate groups.
It's also a look at how class identity isn't a reflection of those within the class, more a group identity that is based on judgments and prejudices - from both sides. It doesn't reflect the individual, yet sweeping generalisations are made. Those being punished - Like Michael - don't deserve it, but we live in a polarised society where these judgments are made.
Finally, the level of violence is a look at developing countries, such as The Democratic Republic of Congo, and the atrocities happening there on a daily basis (while I accept this book is very dark, I couldn't go as far as what's actually happening in places like the DRC). It's a look at how low humans can go when there is a motivation to control and dominate - as many wars have demonstrated. (See the UK and US bombing of Dresden as an example). In The DRC's case it's for minerals. In Crash's case, it's for food.
Again, I can't speak to whether you enjoyed the book or not but I'm thankful that you read it and took the time to review it. You asked the question, so I wanted to give you the answer.
Thanks again
Michael
Should I have responded? I don't know. It's not something I plan to make a habit of.
Sales Figures so Far - Since June 20th:-
Amazon - 446 copies sold.
Kobo - 3 copies sold.
Smashwords - 0 copies sold.
I'm pleased with my figures for less than three months. The negative reviews sting but I'm developing a thick skin pretty quickly. Again, I expected it with this book. My next one is much less violent, so it'll be interesting to see if it generates the same reaction.
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